marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
