By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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