I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Are my feet made of real feet?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
