I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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