she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
