I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
