Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
