This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
