I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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