Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
