At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
