Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
