Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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