Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
