She announced her abortion via fbk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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