I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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