there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
