you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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