Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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