Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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