I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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