i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
