bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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