I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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