I think I am morally bankrupt
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
