Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
