Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
