I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
