He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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