We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
