we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
