You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
