well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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