Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
