just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
