You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
