Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
