just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she smelled like a LAN party
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
