Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
