a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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