too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
50% drunk capacity currently
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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