did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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