Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it's like heaven, but drunker
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
