I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
