youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
