He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
