I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
