I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
