I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
