Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My dad is sitting where you rode me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
