Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
