Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
